To the Boy Who Ran

It’s been a while,

Since I’ve heard of you,

And if time equals to mile,

I’d travel back for thousands,

To the exact day along the corridor where we stood; just us two.

In complete silence we were,

Sharpening our pencil,

Yet you had no idea,

How fast my heartbeat was,

When you smiled, ever so gentle.

It’s on my mind in replay,

And each time I ain’t saying a thing still,

For it was a perfect display,

Of silence so completely tranquil,

No words should ever fill.

 

 

Today, my school crush got married.

I wrote this piece when the news broke out from our schoolmates. I’ve mentioned about him in one of my previous post.

Looking back, I’m glad that things turned out the way they did. Guys who were interested in me are all married men now, some even had kids of their own. The same goes for the guys I were into, most of them found their significant other and settled for good.

Now and then, when their life moments came up my social media feed, either photos of them getting married or holding their first new-born child, I cant help but smile, gladly. I’m happy for them, that they’re in a happy place with their loved ones.

But I’d also wondered ‘What If’.

What if I said yes, let’s get to know each other.

What if I said yes, I’m into you too.

What if I took the other road and instead of the other girls by their sides, it’s me.

What if.

My life could be the other way around if I took the road not taken. I could be a mother with a little kid to care for on weekends instead of chasing deadlines in the office. I could be cooking breakfast for my husband before he goes to work instead of buying bread from the nearest 7-Eleven. I could be a working mother who’d have to ‘punch out’ on time instead of working overtime without anybody waiting on me at home.

I could be all of that, but I’m not.

Because I’m not ready. And I’m extremely glad being who I am now, with my current life. For I do not want to go through an enormously essential phase of life that I know I cant commit to yet. I’ll probably learn how to commit to the responsibility of sharing a life with another (or others) besides my family, as my life unfolds.

Everything that has happened was a given, for He knows best and He knows me.

For now, I’m okay with me. Whatever the future holds, I pray that He‘ll make it okay for me too. And for all of you.