Perceptions differ. Mine would not be the same as yours. My perception of myself have always been more on the negative side due to several reasons. But as someone who constantly reflects over every single act and every single word I utter, I try to be the better human being.
I used to think and proclaim myself as somewhat odd, maybe more towards the weird side. I was at that point in my life where I aspired to be different. To shine, to be at least the dime in a dozen (I failed terribly at this). But as I grow up, I figured that I’m just like you. That there are a whole lot of other people who think alike/have similar hobbies/are more talented. Basically, growing up taught me that the world does not revolve around me and only me. The world is vast and full of interesting, unique and inspiring people, most of whom I have not yet met.
That being said, 3-5 years ago, if I were to write on the qualities that I find odd/unique in me, I’d have wrote down mere typical ones that makes you go ‘Ahhh, me too’/’What’s so unique about that?’.
But then again, no matter how different I think I am from the rest of the world’s population, there are definitely something that I can relate to them. Like how we hate the same flavor of ice-cream or how we love the same smell of perfume. Like how we’re all imperfect, in our own way.
To view my life as an outsider , I’d say my ‘odd’ qualities being:
I kinda envy those who constantly looked cheerful and friendly even when they’re not smiling. Those who looked like their life are all rainbows and ice-creams and unicorns. My face on normal days, would looked like a resting bitch face, after going through 100 different types of crap. My face on bad days would be worse.
I can go through weeks without talking to anybody (been there, done that). Basically, I have no problem surviving without any social interactions. I tend to be very quiet on first meetings due to my socially awkward nature. And I’m also not a conversation starter though I’m trying my best to be one lately. So, as an outsider who just knew me for a couple of minutes, I’ll easily get this particular label- sombong.
2. Wear the same clothes.
I have this habit of not giving a shit on what I wear. And I dont own a lot of clothes unlike other girls my age. Looking into my life as an outsider, I might be a cheapskate/broke when truthfully, I’m just comfortable with all the clothes I have and I’d rather wear comfortable ones as compared to new ones. I wore the same clothes to class for a span of 5 years during my Uni years. Pretty sure my classmates and those who knew me could easily recognize me based on the clothes I constantly wore. I wore similar ones to class and when I hung out with friends. Like my mom used to say (still is), ‘Kamu ni macam dah takde baju lain ke?’ LOL.
That being said, I rarely shop for clothes even now when I’m already working and are able to pay for the stuff I buy.
I have a bow tie-shaped keloid scar on my left hand. Got it since 15 years ago when it was barely visible.
Since I hide my scar under my hand-socks, an outsider wont be able to notice it, unless he/she look very closely. Even my classmates of 2 years did not know about it until I showed them.
I once joked about how if I went missing, one of the most obvious signs that people can search for to find me is my keloid scar. Because keloid usually grows on earlobes/chest areas (basically from the chest & upper levels of the body) but mine just decides to grow at the back of my injured left hand due to a small bicycle accident near my house.
I’ve had vivid dreams. I dream even during 5-10 minutes nap. And at times, they come in series. Like once, I dreamed and suddenly jolted awake and went back to sleep after a couple of minutes, the dream continued from when it stopped.
I’ve met people who could not remember their dreams. Some even claimed they never dreamt at all. I’d love to be the latter.
I can remember life moments from as early as when I was 5 years old. I dont forget people’s face and their names easily. So if we used to go to the same school, you might not remember me but I do remember you. I always do and I’m very thankful for that.
I stopped combing my hair somewhere around 10 years ago. I dont even own a hair comb.
Why? Because I can. And my hair turned out okay.
To conclude, am I far from normal? Nah, I dont think so. Maybe just a wee bit freaky here and there. Hey even if I’m not, let’s just pretend that I am, okay?
CR: The Trial by Franz Kafka, pg 2/182.